On Not Fitting In

I find it very difficult to find people who are my kind of crazy. I’m not even sure what that means anymore. I think I am mostly a “normal” person. I just happen to have bipolar disorder which sometimes means I have mood swings that are a touch wilder then others.

Lately I have been experiencing a new kind of mood. Its almost like mania but not quite. I feel like I’m manic because I am having difficulties with sleeping. One night I’ll sleep ten plus hours and the next it will be a struggle to get in five. It’s been a long time since I had more then 2 nights in a row that were good. Though I am on a string of good luck with sleep right now. Starting on Saturday night I didn’t require the usual amount of meds to go to sleep and I slept at least 7 hours. I woke up for awhile then I went back to sleep for an additional 2 hours. Sunday night I had a hard time falling asleep; but once I got up and started doing other things I became tired and I fell asleep on the couch for a good amount of  hours.

Today is Monday. I medicated myself at 9pm. It is currently 9:37pm and I am not even a wee bit tired. I am going to try doing some housework until I get tired. Hopefully it won’t take long.

This post wasn’t supposed to be about sleep. It was supposed to be about not fitting in. I recently made a bond with a young woman who has bipolar disorder. I think she understands where I am coming from. She has several friends that she has introduced me to. Some seem to like me and others, well, after hearing me profess to having a mental health issue I could just feel the air change.

Suddenly I wasn’t just some decent person that L was introducing. I felt like I became a potential monster. Kewpie is wanting me to go to sleep. I am going to take my klonopin now. Maybe put away the dishes before I zonk out. Take Care.