Sleepless Nights

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Apparently someone has been dreaming of me on a regular basis! My friend L did mention that she encountered me in one of her dreams; I was getting my nose pierced. Funny, I thought, if anything, I would get my eyebrow pierced. Of course right now I am itching to get some work done on my tattoo. Currently all I have is an infinity symbol on my left shoulder. I would like to expand it into a floral tattoo that extents over my shoulder and down my arm a bit. Also I would like add a backwards e to my infinity symbol. In math a backwards e represents “there exists.” I thought it would be neat to say there exists infinity. As a bonus a backwards e might represent one of my favorite hip hop artists: eminem. Right now this is just a dream. Kewpie doesn’t want me to get any work done while I am hyper (manic). I trust his judgement. So this is indefinitely postponed.

As for being manic, I don’t think I can get better until I get back into a regular sleep routine. I know how important this is. I downloaded and copied a good sleep hygiene to follow. I try to take some of the advice. Walking away from the internet up to an hour before bedtime. Waking up at the same time everyday. Tonight I went to sleep at 8:30pm and slept until around 10:30pm. Now I am wide awake. Okay I am slightly sleepy but I have no motivation to go back to sleep. I would much rather stay up awhile, update my blog, read, and etc. I already wrote down my plan for the day for tomorrow.

I have fallen into a sort of routine where I sleep good one night and  then hardly at all the next. This mania has been presenting weirdly. I have some but not all of the regular symptoms. The most troublesome is the lack of sleep, the resulting irritability the next day, too much shopping,  and being overly social when I am normally an introvert. The symptoms that are missing (thank goodness) are that I am not rebelling against Kewpie, I am not hypersexual, and I am not delusional or religious.

I have a few new sources of help this time around. I have a new therapist at the VA. An online therapist from talkspace.com who I am meeting with for an IM session tomorrow, and some new supportive friends. One of whom also has bipolar disorder so I think she knows where I am coming from. She has been very supportive and I feel blessed to have met her.

Thank you for reading. Do you have any  tips for motivation to sleep? I mean I know I would better for it but somehow that doesn’t help. Maybe if I take the advice of the self-help book about self-love that I am reading: make a commitment to ask myself everyday, all the time-“What would someone who loves themselves do?” then follow my intuition. I guess if I loved myself I would intuitively know that sleep is in my best interest.

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