Lately I have been spending a lot of time cleaning and organizing. Doing things that I have put off doing for a very long time. I even managed to sell a few things that I no longer need or want and made enough money to buy a tank of gas. So I think this is all great. I have been doing these things mostly out of a sense of restlessness.

I recently took over the organization of a meetup group in a local town. The purpose of the group is to meet new people and socialize. My hope is to make a friend or two. I could really benefit from expanding my network. Currently, outside of mutual relationships with friends of my husband’s I only have two good friends. One of them lives out of state so I never get to see her anymore, but we text each other on a regular basis. The other one is rather quirky but that’s alright because so am I. We meet each other once or twice a month to exchange books and/or eat lunch or dinner together.

I seem to get along really well with women who are older then me. I am 38 and the book club I started facilitating this year has members that are in their 60s-70s. These women really seem drawn to me.

I get nervous sometimes when I consider that my closest relationship is with my husband. This is a good thing; but sometimes I worry. What if something happened to him? Or what if we were to get divorced? I’d be left flailing about with no anchor whatsoever. It wouldn’t be pretty at all, at all.

So I am trying to make new friends right now. I am afraid it may be due in part to this restlessness that comes along with my mania related to having bipolar disorder. I have a new acquaintance named Lisa, she seems to be in  her early twenties, so far I like her quite a lot. I am hoping to grow a friendship with her. I will see her again this Wednesday when we meet for coffee. I scheduled it as a meetup on the group’s site but so far no one else has signed up for it.

I am not really good at making friends and I have a really hard time detecting when an acquaintance actually becomes a friend. How does one determine if someone is a friend or not? Sometimes I think the only way to tell is to go through a hard time together. Fake friends will disappear at times like that while true friends will stick around.

I used to think I had loads of friends online. As I mature I realize more and more that those are just acquaintances sort of. Lately there has been a lot of proof that my online friends couldn’t care less about me.

Oh well, I am hopeful that L and I will become good friends eventually.



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